I added some more. I also added some music that I think fits the story and helps set the tone, I highly recommend you listen to it whilst you read.
Feedback is greatly
appreciated. I'm enjoying writing this, and I want to know if it's as enjoyable to read as it is to write.
EDIT: Oh, and I also added some more exposition to the first part of the story, so if you already read that, I recommend you go back and reread it.