"I know they were left behind. I know they're somewhere. Scattered. I know someone will read them. The patterns will not matter, there is no order. Regardless of the chaos it will make sense."
I remember when we used to sit in the sun. Just the two of us. I picked you up home in my horse and we just lost ourselves in the woods. I remember the smoothness of your delicate skin. The grace of your hair floating in the wind, much like the rest of your movements. I remember how we ran to the secluded prairies and stripped down of our clothes. I remember how I pushed myself inside of you when we laid on the grass. I remember all of it. But you're gone now.
I have memories of our golden haired kid... He smiled a lot, he did. Beautiful little boy. I remember the night where we were robbed; Not of money, but of innocence... That maniac..- They way he grabbed the knife. I was too jealous..- Too arrogant. I still have trouble fighting him, I know he lurks inside my head. Charles brought him out for a while, it was horrific. I don't know why he does this. I remember I told our son to run. He did. I don't know what happened to him, and I don't know if he's alive. If he is, he's probably old. I wonder how he'll react when he sees me. Young, fresh. He doesn't know what happened to you. I don't think he ever came back to the house. I hate myself and I hate this monster for doing what he did to you. I'm ashamed of myself, I let HIM took control. I still cut from time to time, sweet Jessabelle, I do. But my wounds are meaningless. They heal. Too fast. I can't heal my mind. I won't love again. Not after what I did to you. It's getting dark now, so, so dark..- Goodbye.
I am so sorry. I had the chance to redeem myself but I let him take over once more. I'm not prepared yet, but when I am sure I am, we will meet again.
The temperature slowly dropped as the pockets of air emerged from the depths of the liquid, being carried to the surface until it finally cracked under the tension and popped. The bubbles stopped eventually as the boiling stopped. A soft noise was heard as the blackish brownish liquid streamed down into the ceramic holster.
The mug was slowly raised to his lips, ever so carefully as to not burn his precious flesh.
Here it comes.
The bitter taste entered his cavity, slowly trailing down his throat.
Finally.. he spoke.
"Needs more sugar."